Exclusive Investigation: Superman Is A Douche
We all know full well that Dwight Howard thinks he's Superman. But who is Superman, really? Superman isn't the wholesome figure he pretends to be. In an exclusive investigation, Red's Army has found Superman is really a gigantic douchebag. Here is exhibit A:
Is this the type of role model that is appropriate for our youngsters? Clearly not. Using your heat vision to crush the spirit of your adopted son is a dick move. And by idolizing Superman, Dwight Howard clearly endorses this kind of behavior.
For shame, Dwight Howard. For shame. Americans simply cannot back this type of behavior. You must back the Boston Celtics in this series, or else kids everywhere will use their heat vision for douchy behavior.