In response to the shooting guard’s decision to sign with the Miami Heat earlier this offseason, Celtics forward Kevin Garnett confirmed Wednesday that he’s no longer on growling terms with longtime friend and former teammate Ray Allen. “It is what it is. I will not be shouting at the top of my lungs in that guy’s face from now on,” said Garnett, adding that he would never again roar at Allen in private nor would he engage in any pregame trash-screaming. “He made a decision based on his family, and I respect that, but it does mean he can’t keep expecting me to utter a deep howl of excitement whenever I see him.” Garnett, who has not communicated with referee Ed Malloy for several years, announced that he was finally ready to start whispering threats in the NBA official’s ear again.
If you aren’t reading the Onion… you’re not laughing enough.