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President Obama slow jams our Celtics-Hawks preview

John - Red's Army (@RedsArmy_John) April 29, 2012 Uncategorized 11 Comments

President Obama made some waves when he slow-jammed the news with Jimmy Fallon last week.  He took some heat for that, but he's not done. 

Nope.  We got the guys to reunite for a special encore performance.  Here they are again… to slow jam our Celtics-Hawks first round preview.

Note:  The following contains innuendo for the sake of comedy. We tried to have fun with this so you didn't get just another boring preview.  Please don't get overly sensitive about it. 

Slow jam pres 1

The Celtics have put up the third best record in the league since the All Star break.  Where they once were barely better than terrible, they are now playing like one of the best teams in the league.  One reason for that… The emergence of Avery Bradley.  He's become a contributor on offense… nailing threes from the corner and killing teams with back-door cuts for easy dunks and layups. 

Slow jam fallon 1

Awwwww yeahhh…. Bradley likes to go back door.  You'll think you're on top of him, but then he slips behind you when you turn your head.  Next thing you know, he's gotten deep penetration and there's nothing you can do about it. 

Slow jam pres 2

But it's not just back door cuts.  Avery Bradley is a great defender.  He's even being called one of the best.. if not THE best.. on ball defender at the guard position.  That makes the key match up of this series Avery Bradley against Joe Johnson, who is half a foot taller.

Slow jam fallon 2

Thaaaaaaat's riiiiiiight.  Joe Johnson is bigger than most people Avery takes on, so we'll have to see how he handles his size.  If Bradley can handle the extra size without getting too uncomfortable, then he'll tie Johnson up and make him play on Avery's terms.  But if the size is too much for Avery to handle, Johnson will take advantage of him, taking him to the hole all, night long.

Slow jam pres 3Speaking of size… that's part of the other key to this series.  Can the Hawks handle all of Boston's bigs without Al Horford or Zaza Pachulia?  They've been without Horford for a while, but without Pachulia, Jason Collins is getting the start.  That's a tough matchup, no matter if Collins faces Brandon Bass or Kevin Garnett

Slow jam fallon 3

Uhhhh.. huhhhh…. Boston's versatile with its size.  Sometimes they like to get it deep, some times they like to shoot it in your face.  You're going to have to be quick to handle these bigs, or they'll take turns on you. 

Slow jam pres 4
All that said, I like Boston in five games.  They have the experience, the better players, and they are mostly healthy.  The Celtics have matchup advantages at at least three positions, maybe four and depending on how Bradley does, he can minimize Atlanta's other matchup advantage.

Slow jam singing 1Rondo's better than Teague..
One of the best in the league…
When the series is over…
Jeff will feel the fatigue…

The captain Paul Pierce…
Is playing real fierce…
When he's done with the Hawks…
They'll all be in tears…

 

Slow jam singing 2They're making a run…
to Banner 18…
The Celtics are just…
the better team…

The Hawks don't have much chance…
of staying alive…
So we've got the Celtics…
winning in five… 

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  • paul

    Wow. Seeing Obama’s face over and over is fun to you people?

  • pierce

    What do you mean, you people?

  • glendavisisterrible

    nice work

  • andrew

    i think a 6th grader could have done the same work. Not very funny. disappointed in you guys.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/redsarmy Red’s Army

    I disagree. The rhyming alone is at at least an 8th grade level

  • Alex

    Great stuff, guys! Loved it. :)
    For those complaining about it, lighten up ffs.

  • Alex

    *sighs*
    I can’t wait until the owners of this blog finally bans this guy.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/redsarmy Red’s Army

    Thanks! I know not everyone is going to love it. It’s fine. We tried something different

  • andrew

    haha :) ok i’ll give you 8th grade. GO Celtics! I enjoy REDSARMY.com Just this post was not too good

  • BigMcK

    Excellent work, John. Huge points for originality.

  • Mike

    I am incredulous good sir! I felt this post was of the highest quality, a clever way to deliver information that you could receive at a wide variety of basketball sites. Not only did the slow jam offer the analysis we all craved, but also simultaneously sated an itch for entertainment that we may not have been fully cognisant of. Reds Army, may the spark of ingenuity that you have displayed today never desert you, and may it take you as far as you would go!