So indulge me for one post as I run through each of BIG's "Ready to Die" songs to compare lyrics to this Celtics season.
Track: "Things Done Changed"
Lyric: "Back in the days, our parents used to take care of us / Look at 'em now, they even f–in scared of us / Callin the city for help cuz they can't maintain / Damn s–t done changed"
It applies to: KG
Back in the days, people used to take care of KG. He was "The Kid"… "The Big Ticket". His antics were embraced as the intensity that fueled a freak of nature. And even though there were a couple of instance where KG might have gone too far this season, there is a much bigger, more overwhelming sentiment that all the stuff he does now is a problem… when it's mostly stuff he used to do. Damn things done changed.
Track: "Gimme The Loot"
Lyric: "Word is bond I'm a smoke him yo don't fake no moves (what?) / Treat it like boxin' stick and move, stick and move / You aing got to explain s–t / I've been robbing motherf—– since the slave ships"
It applies to: Danny Ainge
When you trade injured Kendrick Perkins, injured Nate Robinson, Injured Marquis Daniels, injured Semih Erden and 2nd round pick Luke Harangody and acquire healthy Jeff Green, healthy Nenad Krstic, healthy Troy Murphy, healthy Sasha Pavlovic and healthy Carlos Arroyo… plus a first round pick from the Clippers… you're robbing people. All that's missing are the holes in the sweater.
Track: "Machine Gun Funk"
Lyric: " So you wanna be hardcore / With your hat to the back, talkin bout the gats in your raps / But I can't feel that hardcore appeal / that you're screamin, baby I'm dreamin"
It applies to: The Miami Heat
Miami fancied itself as a challenger to the Celtics. And while the season is far from over and they certainly can turn something around down there, they clearly came into this season thinking they were hardcore. And instead of gats in their raps… it banners in their rafters they were talking about. But I can't feel that championship appeal.
Lyric: "I didn't say them / they schooled me to some n—- that you knew from back when / when you was clockin minor figures / Now they heard you blowin up like nitro / And they wanna stick the knife through your windpipe slow"
It applies to: Tom Thibodeau
Like Biggie said… it's the ones that smoke blunts witcha that come back around to getcha later. Doc and Thibs smoked blunts (actually, they were cigars, but work with me here) together after '08… and now Thibs is gunnin for Doc as a the head coach of the Bulls. Load the black talons in the clip (a.k.a. the C's Big 4) and get ready because Thibs is coming back with one hell of an attack.
Track: "Ready to Die"
Lyric: "My s–t's deep, deeper than my grave G / I'm ready to die and nobody can save me / F- the world, f- my moms and my girl / my life is played out like the jheri curl, I'm ready to die
It applies to: Jermaine O'Neal
Morbid, I know. But retirement is NBA death, and Jermaine is ready to go. So I say toss those middle fingers up, F-everyone, and go out in a blaze of glory Jermaine… cuz your NBA career is ready to die.
Track: "One More Chance"
Lyric: "Here we go, here we go / but I'm not Domino / I got the funk flow to make your drawers drop slow / so recognize the d— size in these Karl Kani jeans / I wear 13's / know what I mean?"
It applies to: Ray Allen
This is as smooth as Biggie got… so we go to the smoothest guy on the team. Ray's got the funk flow to make your… well… never mind. I'm sure the ladies can appreciate this one more than anyone. We'll just say this one is for you.
Track: "The What"
Lyric: "Excuse me, flows just grow through me / Like trees to branches / Cliffs to avalanches / It's the praying mantis / Deep like the mind of Farrakhan / A motherf-n rap phenomenon"
It applies to: Rajon Rondo
Is there more of a motherf'in hoops phenomenon than Rajon Rondo? "Excuse me, ridiculous bounce passes at impossible angles through a sea of defenders grow through me" doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but you get the point. And how many times have you seen him toss one of those passes and go "what?" Maybe if I'm lucky, "The What" can become his new nickname.
Lyric: "I made the change from a common thief / To up close and personal with Robin Leach / And I'm far from cheap, I smoke skunk with my peeps all day / Spread love, it's the Brooklyn way / The Moet and Alize keep me pissy / Girls used to diss me / Now they write letters 'cause they miss me"
It applies to: Paul Pierce
Once upon a time, Pierce had a bit of an attitude problem. He wanted out of Boston. Once upon a time, Paul Pierce was an underappreciated star in this league. But now they write letters.. or rather, columns… about Paul Pierce because he's having maybe his best season as a Celtic. He leads the league in +/-… which we know is a somewhat flawed stat but its still indicative of his impact on the team. And as we saw when Rondo was out… he was spreading the love, or ball, cuz its the Celtics way.
Track: "Everyday Struggle"
Lyric: "I know how it feel to wake up f-d up / Pockets broke as hell, another rock to sell / People look at you like youse the user / Selling drugs to all the losers, mad buddha abuser / But they don't know about your stress-filled day / Baby on the way mad bills to pay
It applies to: Delonte West
Hell, the title itself applies to Delonte. It's bad enough that he came into this season with his demons… now it's an everyday struggle just to get on the court because of all his injuries. We don't know about his stressed fill days getting through rehab… wanting to contribute. Here's hoping things change for Delonte.
Track: "Me and my Bitch"
Lyric: "It didn't take long before the tears start / I saw my bitch dead with the gunshot to the heart / And I know it was meant for me / I guess the n—- felt they had to kill the closest one to me / And when I find em your life is to and end / They killed my best friend
It applies to: The Kendrick Perkins trade
I can only imagine this is close to the feeling in the locker room after that trade went down. I'm sure some of those guys in the locker room (Von Wafer?) thought the trade was meant for them… but it was the one guy closest to the whole team. I'll bet a couple of the guys are still pissed about it.
Track: "Big Poppa"
Lyric: "Pull the truck up, front, and roll up the next blunt / So we can steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly / A t-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch's grape / Conversate for a few, cause in a few, we gon' do / What we came to do, ain't that right boo [truuuueee]
It applies to: Big Baby
Is this a cheap shot at Baby because the lyrics involve food?
But in the end he's gonna do what he came here to do. Just like Biggie… size don't matter… he still get the job done.
Lyric: "Ninety-four, now I explore new horizons / Mama smile when she see me, that's surprisin' / Honeys is tantalizin', they freak all night / Peep duckin' cops on the creep all night / As I open my eyes and realizin' I changed /Not the same deranged child stuck up in the game"
It applies to: Jeff Green
OKC deranged his game by playing him out of position a lot. But he's no longer stuck up in that game. Now he's exploring new horizons in Boston… where his strengths can be used properly.
Track: "Friend of Mine"
Lyric: "She should've used her intuition / Then she wouldn't be classified in that position, listen / She's sayin' I dissed her 'cause I'm f-n' her sister / A message to the fellas, that really gets'em pissed, uh"
It applies to: Von Wafer
Von's the guy who came in here classified as a malcontent and who fought through the early-season fight with Delonte cuz he was saying stuff through intermediaries in the media. He should've used his intuition… and maybe he would have avoided the classifications in both those positions.
Lyric: "Rappers can't sleep need sleepin / Big keep creepin / Bulelts heat-seekin / casualties need treatin / Dumb rappers need teachin / Lesson A – don't f- with B-I, that's that / oh I, thought he was wack /
Oh come come now, why y'all so dumb now / Hunt me or be hunted, I got three hundred and fifty-seven ways / To summer sautee, I'm the winner all day
It applies to: Doc Rivers
A lot of people thought Doc was whack early in his coaching days here. But Doc's got three hundred and fifty-seven ways… to burn you with out of bounds plays. He's the winner all day. So keep sleepin'… the casualties of Doc's C's will need treatin.
Track: "Suicidal Thoughts:
Lyric: "I swear to God I want to just slit my wrists and end this bulls– / Throw the Magnum to my head, threaten to pull s— / And squeeze, until the bed's, completely red / I'm glad I'm dead, a worthless f-n' buddah head
It applies to: The post trade bandwagon jumpers
I get it. You loved Perk and hated the trade. I did too after the first hour. But then, instead of stepping back and really looking at the deal… and waiting to see what other moves the C's were going to make… yo just ended it and jumped off the bandwagon.
And to those people I say good riddance. This team is still pretty damn good and it might even actually end up better. Sucks to have to lose Perk in the process… but that's the business.
Thanks to @MzDreamCakesTTU on Twitter for giving me an idea to do a Biggie post