ESPN's Bill Simmons has one helluva column on the Celtics and Rasheed Wallace:
will lose in Round 1 or 2 of the playoffs. But it's been a decidedly
unhappy regular season for a 50-win team. Forget about Kevin Garnett's
balky knee or Paul Pierce's aching body — there were damaging trade
rumors, young guns (Kendrick Perkins and Rajon Rondo) rebelling against
the old guard, legitimate alpha dog and chemistry issues, a coach who
can't consistently motivate his team or settle on a rotation, ongoing
rebounding woes and, worst of all, old legs. Only Rondo's individual
brilliance made things tolerable. Everything else felt like the
basketball version of that movie in which Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
scream at each other for two hours.
I can't disagree with anything in that paragraph. Or the two below.
three minutes at a time, six or seven trips up and down the court —
without ever passing either foul line. Sometimes I count to see how many
consecutive possessions Sheed can pull off without crossing either
charity stripe. His unofficial record is nine.
Sheed doesn't rebound as much as debound. "Lazy" isn't a strong enough
word. He always seems to be standing in the wrong spot. He constantly
forgets to box out. His hops are long gone, so balls routinely bounce
over his head to opposing players. When matched against a hustler like
Anderson Varejao, it's like watching a golden retriever fight off a
Rottweiler. Advanced metrics prove that he's a catastrophic offensive
rebounder and someone who subtly altered the identity of this season's
Celtics team. (See sidebar.) So there's that.
The column is a hilarious and, unfortunately for us fans craving another title, all true.