NBA All Ugly Team | Red's Army - The Voice of Boston Celtics Fans
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NBA All Ugly Team

RedsArmyAdmin April 25, 2009 Uncategorized 20 Comments on NBA All Ugly Team

It's awards season in the NBA… and I'm putting a team together of a bunch a guys who ain't got no alibi…

They ugly.

But this isn't just a bunch of pictures of ugly NBA players.  There are some uglier guys out there… but these guy have pretty games.  This is a good team.  A playoff team (at least in the East).  But let's just say it's a good thing they've got NBA contracts… because they wont' be getting any modeling contracts any time soon.

How do I determine if a guy is ugly?  I use the wife-o-meter.  Whenever she watches a game, sees a close up of an opposing player, and says "ugh"… then he was nominated.

PG:  Delonte West
(photo via slam online)

I love Delonte.  He's one funny, unique dude (no seriously… he's insanely funny) and he's one of my favorite players. But man is he not easy on the eyes. 

On the court, he's got a sweet stroke, a fearless attitude, and confidence to take it at anyone.  I'll overlook the injuries, which constantly rob him of games season after season.  I'm focusing on his talent, which makes him a sold starter at either guard spot.

SG:  Hedo  Turkoglu


We've seen Hedo bang big shots.  And while his numbers dropped a little this season, there's no doubt that he has the ability to be deadly in stretches on the court.

He's also got the ability to be deadly in the mirror.  To quote my wife, "it looks like his face is melting." 

SF:  Tayshaun Prince

Prince turkoglu

Pardon the double-ugliness in the photo. 

Tayshaun has had a nice career as a do-it-all kind of 3.  He can score in spurts.  He can defend.  He can hit a big shot.  He's been remarkably consistent over the past 5 years, which means you can count on about 14, 5 and 3 from him most nights.  His ridiculously long arms make him a tough perimeter defender.  It also is part of why he's so ugly.  His arms, legs… and face… are both much longer than the average human's.  He also weighs about 98 pounds, which just adds to the overall effect.

PF: Al Jefferson

Al jefferson

The star of this team on the court.  Now… everyone knows I love me some Big Al.  A legit 20-10 guy… and more on some nights.  He should be a perennial All Star and a building block of just about any team.

However, it looks like he fell flat on his face a lot as a child… so welcome to the team, Al.

C: Pau Gasol


I will admit that Gasol is a pretty good offensive player.  But good GOD is he an offensive sight.  That's one of the ugliest photos I've ever seen.  Does he have a second elbow on his left arm?  what is that thing?

He's soft, but talented.  And he's as ugly as it gets.  In short, he's exactly what this team is all about.

6th man: Zaza Pachulia


One of my favorite quotes out of my wife came when they showed a close up of Zaza.  She groaned… and said "What's his name… Mongoloid Stephens?"

For that reason alone, I had to have him on this team.

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  • Tim (FD)

    Wait a minute, where’s Noah?
    And I guess this means Sam Cassell is officially retired?

  • Yeah… Sam’s gone. Sam’s gone.
    And Al and Pau are better than Noah. Since I actually was looking for good ugly players… he’s out. He’s OK, but no where near those other guys.
    And Zaza’s on the list just so I could put “Mongoloid Stephens” out there again.

  • Ryan (UNH)

    Haha Tim I was just about to type saying Sam Cassell should be the Head Coach of this team.
    Charlie Villinueva would also need to be on this team. He’s a twittering alien.

  • zauer

    I would add Charlie Villanueva. Sam Cassell is about to start career as a coach, so he can start it on this list

  • Ryan (UNH)

    Zauer, are you my twin?

  • zauer

    Lol, first i thought, i sent my comment twice

  • FSantos33

    Oh wow, can’t believe you put Big Al on the team – That’s cold man.

  • G4L

    Great picture of Delonte. haha!!

  • NineSevenEight

    Where’s Greg Oden?

  • PP34

    Ewww freaky! LOL these are hilarious dude! Great job!

  • zippittyay

    Big Al over Joe Kim Noah? you got to be kiddin. Charlie Villaneuva deserves a spot over Zsa Zsa as well.

  • Nat

    You need Charlie Villaneuva and/or Paul Millsap. Have you seen that guy’s nose?

  • if your just going for ugly and no talent the first team all nba would be
    1 Calvin Booth
    2 sasha V
    3 Brian Cardinal
    4 sheldon williams
    5 Joakim noah
    2cd team
    1 Hedu
    2 Marquis Daniels
    3Adam Morrison
    4 Pau Gasol
    5 DJ mbenga

  • dom1020

    Zaza Pachulia looks like the main prisoner from the movie S.W.A.T.

  • Hey Reds I didn’t know your gae too man? Anyways you forgot to post on your “ugliest all NBA team” Paul Pierce,Rajon Rondo , Ray Allen, Kendrick Perkins,oh and thank god the celtics got reed of Sam Cassell that’s another ugly M___F___!!!!!

  • pau = constipated ostrich look
    plus he created a warthog shadow figure with his hands.

  • Anonymous

    How about Yakhouba Diawara from the Miami Heat. The poor frenchman has a nose that dominates his face. Here’s a good pic of him:
    He may not be as ugly as some of the other dudes above, but he deserves an “honorable mention.”

  • STEW34

    What about the dude on the Pacers? White guard from another country…..and the big white dude from the Spurs! ugly as sin


  • I don’t know Pau Gasol gets some good looking girls though lol – Orlando All Star Weekend will have them all coming out this year.